I am still here

I did weigh in.

Have not yet measured.

But I will post as soon as I can! Well, properly!

S. x

Ooh! Win!

So, after my post yesterday about my trousers being waaaaaaaaaaaay too big. I tried on my size twelve jeans west jeans.....

and.

they.

fit!!

YAY!

I could do with losing a bit more of the muffin top but they are on, they're buttoned, they're zipped and they don't look too shabby!  I am so excited!

My aim is to get to a size 10. I have another seven kilos to lose before I get to my goal weight. I'm not 100% sure I'm going to get to that size ten but I will be pretty close.

Putting these jeans on this morning was a HUGE motivation boost. I feel like I'm getting somewhere! I think sometimes you lose weight but can't see immediate results and just give up. At least I do. I've not lost a small amount here, I've lost over ten kilos. But I'm getting there.

Another thing... I'm expecting a gain or no loss this coming Wednesday... I feel crampy and bloated. Yeah, you know whar I mean. Ugh. But onwards! At least I'm prepared for it now so that I won't be disappointed if it happens. It isn't going to stop me. Size ten here I come.

Fitness test next week! Nervous! Excited!

S.

Shop windows

I think I'm becoming vain. I keep assessing my silhouette when I'm out in public. Glancing sideways at my reflection as I walk through the shopping centre. I can see a difference! I found myself today, waiting at the doors to allow customers out of our store, staring at myself on the security monitor. Is that really me? I kept turning slightly to the side to see how I looked! Vainity!!

My trousers are falling off me. They are size 16 I think, and I would think I'm now a 12. But they were sliding down all day long and I was loving it. Even if it did make me look terribly unprofessional, having to get up and hike up my clothes haha.

My clothing isn't fitting right. My jeans need a belt. My trousers don't come close to staying up. My tight fitted shirts are baggy, especially around my bust. Why is it you lose weight off your bust but not your thighs? rude. I have people tell me on a daily  basis that they can see I'm losing weight. I am really appreciating hearing it. It makes it feel worthwhile. Like the effort is paying off. Though most people ask if it's because I can't eat due to the grief. No, thank you, this is effort right here. I'm working for this now. The crying off kilos has ended.

I'm down 11 kilos, four since the beginning of the 12wbt. I am earning a new wardrobe.....ooh. I so want to go shopping! I can't afford to. I have to remind myself that I'm a single parent and on a single income and I need to get ahead financially, not be buying pretty dresses....

But surely I need clothes that fit, right?  I remembered today that I get a bonus around Christmas time...which would be right around the end of the 12wbt. I've already done the majority of my Christmas shopping...this would be bonus money. Like a grand of bonus money. I've picked up extra hours since returning to work so financially I am better off on a fortnightly basis anyway. I don't need to put this money aside for anything. I've just paid my car registration for 12 months. I've paid off the Christmas laybys, only a few dollars left on them to collect. All the bills so far are up to date.....I really want to get a new wardrobe...shirts, skirts, underwear...outfits that FIT me.

A thousand dollars would go a LONG way to fitting me out right? Keeping in mind I need a lot of things...I've not bought myself new clothes for a long time. I think the last thing I bought was a pretty emerald green top that is now just huge on me. It was like $10 and that was a splurge.... A grand?? really? But then I think how much underwear costs. And bras? Ugh! Why does being a woman mean spending so much money! And I'd like some dresses to wear over summer and nothing I have now will fit properly.... Singlets, since I wear them all year round...jeans, jeans are expensive...I'd love some accessories...

I want to reinvent myself. And gosh darn it I acheived 180% of my target at work so I've earnt this bonus! 

I might have to stop looking at my reflection and a bit more at the clothing instead....

ooh...retail therapy I love you!

S. xo

Weigh in!

Oh week three weigh in! I woke up this morning really anxious. I wasn't sure if the scales were going to be budging for me today at all.

I've had a few moments over the last week where I've been emotional and have eaten things...like a chocolate mint timtam...and I had a glass of coke....and look I know they're not good for me at all. But they made the pain melt away a little and I felt happy. Emotional eating huh? There have been times over this last week that have caught me off guard. Just feeling tears come streaming down my face when I least expected it. I've really missed him. Differently than usual. I always miss him. But I have really felt the heaviness of sadness this week. Not emptiness or a longing...just the weight of the reality.

I've had a lot of anxiety. Thoughts about my son and 'what if' something happens to me, or worse, something happens to him. I wake up in the middle of the night as a result. Or I have flashes when I'm driving in the car. It's horrible. I always thought that if one of us suddenly died it would be me. I never thought for a moment it would be him. My life insurance was always double that of his. He had all the passwords to my accounts. I could always picture us broken up, living seperately...but not having him dead. Every now and then I get waves of disbelief.  It's hard to remember sometimes that he is simply gone and never coming back. I'm not in denial...I know he's dead. But the enormity of the situation is sometimes hard to wrap my brain around. That when my son goes to school his Dad isn't going to be there waving him goodbye. Or that when he get a girlfriend he's not going to listen to his Dad's little jokes about it. Or that one day when my son has a child of his own, his Dad isn't going to be there to hug him and congratulate him. The long term reality...it's hard to really 'get' it. It's hard knowing that I'm grieving now, but my son will grieve for longer than any of us. He hasn't the comfort of memories. He is going to question himself. He's going to question his Dad. He's going to be angry and hurt and sad. And I have to allow him to feel those emotions...I can't protect him from them. It hurts....and dammit I think I deserved the timtam. Crying burns calories doesn't it?

So I weighed in. And you'll be happy to know that I lost a whole kilo :) Very happy with that, even if I do think it was a complete fluke. I need to resolve to overcome the emotional eating. Because when the waves hit hard I can see myself eating a packet of timtams, not just one. And once I start sliding that slope is going to become awfully slippery.

You're fading away...

It was only a matter of time until I heard this. You're either too fat or you're too skinny? But I'm not even a healthy weight yet? Are people that uncomfortable with the fact I'm taking control of my body?
Bah. it bugs me. Can't there be a positive response? You look great! You look GREAT! Isn't looking great better than fading away to a shadow?

Sigh. I exercised the other night. I did a zumba video for about an hour. I made the mistake of exercising with a mirror behind me. For those of you familiar with zumba you'll know there are all sorts of turns and jumps and fancy things like that. I shudder thinking about how I look exercising. I wasn't naked, haha. No, I was wearing a sports bra and shorts. But I could see my belly in all it's jiggly glory as I turned in a circle. Not pretty.  It does make me more motivated to get rid of it, but knowing I've already lost so much weight...it makes me feel really ashamed about just how much more weight I was carrying.

I can remember last year, staying in this fancy Malaysian Hotel and catching a glimpse of myself naked in the mirror. I was horrified. You've just had a baby. You've just had a baby. You've just had a baby. They were the only words that made it ok. But to be honest, I can't blame pregnancy on the weight. I didn't gain that much during pregnancy. I was over weight to begin with. It's just a convenient excuse to say it was pregnancy. It was too much KFC, timtams and soft cheese.

So when I was told I was fading away to a shadow I said proudly that yes, I had lost weight, and I had another 10 kg to go. Shock! Horror! It was intentional! And another TEN kilos!? NO! You don't need to lose any more weight! yes....yes, I do....I saw the jiggly belly in the mirror. Just because you didn't see it jiggle doesn't mean it doesn't exist boss lady!

Off to zumba again...with a shirt on.

S.

When you were fat....

I'm sorry, what?

"I only remember you fat"....can you hear that?  Gosh it stings! A staff member I used to work with has transferred to my office and she said to me today she has to keep doing a double take because she only remembers the 'fat' me...

Hang on! She only remembers the PREGNANT me!! Did I really just look fat!?

It is like a slap across my face. I think the shock of the comment made my jaw drop a little.

I have lost ten kilos. Three on the 12wbt, seven prior to it's commencement. So I have lost weight...but goodness. I just didn't consider myself fat.

That word is so sharp. FAT.

Maybe I needed to hear it? It wasn't said with any malice.
 It was said in a sincere matter of factness that makes it worse.

But maybe I did need to hear it.

Because what is most important about it? It was said in a past tense. I can only remember you being fat....you're not fat NOW. You've made changes. They're noticeable. The effort is paying off. But you were fat.


 Are you going to be fat again?

S.

Rewards...and another weigh in!

So I've been talking about the fact I want to get some rewards going for myself. I lose interest in things so easily, I want to make sure I'm keeping myself committed to the process for as long as I can. I can't help but WANT a reward if I know it's there for the taking so hopefully this will keep me focussed and on track to a healthy weight!

So...these are the things I'd really like to get sorted out

HAIR - trim, get rid of split ends. Colour and have a treatment put through. Get good shampoo and conditioner.
FACE - Eyebrow and eyelash tint,Eyebrow wax, facial? I've never had a facial. Lip Balm. Denist!
Teeth whitening? too extreme? I don't want to glow in the dark...
BODY -  Exfoliating body wash, Moisturising Cream for Arms, legs, everywhere
Bio oil for stretch marks and scar? Skin tag removal. UGH skin tags. Scary. Necessary. So, doctors appointment? I don't even know how to remove them. A tan? is that even safe? Leg wax. Bikini wax? Is that a reward or a punishment?  A MASSAGE...oh my goodness YES.
HANDS & FEET - Manicure, Pedicure, ongoing maintenance...lotions and potions and whatever else is needed.

I'm went and spoke to a beautician that I've used before and asked about the whole eyebrow wax and tint and they've said generally it will need to be redone every 4-6 weeks.... Well 4 weeks is a pretty good time frame really.  It just so happens to be when we'll be doing a fitness test (week 4, 8, 12)...So I was thinking that if I improve on something then I reward myself with an eyebrow wax. If I improve on two things, I get an eyebrow tint, if I improve on three things then I get an eyelash tint and so on. I need to price it up and see if I can afford to do it every month or not. 

Now for the weigh in.......

Down two more kilos!! Lucky me! 76! I don't know when I've ever been 76! SO awesome!  I can't believe how close I am to being the proud owner of a healthy BMI! yay!! Now I just need to keep my self pushing on and on and on. I always do well for a few weeks and then fall in a hole. I can't do that this time, I have to keep going! Have to!!

Hope weigh in day was pleasing for you as well. I'm a little worried about next week to be honest. I'm thinking I've exhausted all the 'luck' weight and now I actually have to work for it. It's that bit of doubt creeping in...... some one kick me

S.

Goodbye Week One, Hello Week Two!

So, we've done a week.  I'm definitely feeling different already! But so much has happened this week who knows if it's been the 12wbt or one of the other random issues in my life.

Let's start with the physical changes.

Well, most happy to say that when I weighed in on Wednesday the scales were kind and I was a whole kilo lighter. Given that the challenge only started on Monday and my start weight was recorded on the weekend, that was very exciting to see! However....this has been the week of illness in my household. My sister, nephew, son and myself are all ill. Running noses, coughing, temperatures, dizziness. It hasn't been very pretty. Both my sister and I have lost our voices. It's very hard to control a two year old (nephew) with no voice! I went through a few days earlier in the week  with muscle pain from changing my exercise routine and then into utter lethargy...couldn't breathe, couldn't sleep. Ugh. Horrible! I'm still sick now. I've still got no voice. Everyone else is getting better thank goodness, but I took a little bit longer to fall, so I'm clearly taking my time to get back up!

The emotional side of things this week.... Well to be perfectly honest it's been shit. My Grandfather died on Thursday. It was the month anniversary of my partner dying on Wednesday. I spent Friday afternoon at the cemetery. It's been an emotionally draining week, like most have been for the last... I don't know, eternity? I can't remember times where I've not been crying or sulking and I just feel exhausted by it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't sit at home all day surrounded in tissues (well, except this week but it was my noses fault!)  but it was hard. Last Sunday we had the first family get together since my partner passed...I found myself crying in the lounge room alone because there wasn't anyone there to exchange looks with. It was hard to drive there and it was hard to be there, waiting for someone to say something, ask something, offer something. But it didn't happen. Maybe the silence around it made it worse. It made me wonder if everybody there knew.

Thursday evening just knocked the wind out of me. Hearing the words 'your grandfather died'... I just walked away from the phone. My sister continued the call with our mum and I was just sobbing. I ended up in the bathroom being sick because I couldn't get any air due to all this bloody congestion. The numbness soon set in. Goodbye appetite that I worked SO hard to get back (I went easily a week or two after S died without eating properly). It still doesn't feel like I've understood it. I loved my Grandfather, he was such a special part of my life. There is an emptiness. Different to losing S. Losing S can't be compared to anything. But this death I've been expecting, anticipating. There is a sadness but also a relief, knowing he is at peace. It's come so much quicker. The funeral isn't going to be for two weeks. So in the mean time I need to focus on gaining clarity all over again. 2011 has been an interesting year, that's for sure!

What else about this week...
OH. Rewards. I think it's so important to get some kind of reward as I go along. I like rewards......especially those in the form of chocolate! But that's not an option.

So, I've started making a list, head to toe of the things I want 'fixed'. All of it, nit picking all the way. This is a time in my life I can take absolutely control so why the heck not! I'll post it seperately, but the list is pretty enormous!

Hope week two is great for all of you!

S.

So I thought I'd do some market research on sizing. I have always liked the idea of being a size ten...I would love to pick up a pair of jeans and see that lovely number stamped on the tag and be able to slide them on with ease. But what is a size ten?

So during my googling I came across many websites telling me that Australia doesn't have a standard sizing for women or men. Just for kids. Well that makes it more difficult doesn't it! This is why you can be a size 16 at one shop and a size 12 at the next. Apparently it's all to do with flattery in some stores and selection of 'preferred' body types in others....So if you're actually bigger the store might mark you down a size so you'll get all excited and buy the item...where as others might mark you up outside their "standard" range so that you can't wear their clothes at all. Oh the world we live in!

Many of the more prestigious brands I searched didn't even offer a sizing guide. I couldn't find one for Myer Miss Shop, Cue, Review (I love their range, one day I might fit!), the list goes on. Not surprisingly for the lower end on the chain they're happy to give me that information without any hesitation.

So,  what I found is in the tables below....... I have no idea where I fit! And the stupid thing is a centimeter is such a tiny unit of measurement. Why are some of these brands a single centimeter different?  Why do some favour bigger hips? It's all so bizarre

SIZE TEN	Big W	Kmart	Target	Portman’s	Just Jeans	Cotton on	Country Road	Supre
Bust	90	90	87	91	89.5	90	89	89
Waist	70	70	68	72	70	70	69	69
Hips	95	95	93	98	97	95	96	99

SIZE TWELVE	Big W	Kmart	Target	Portman’s	Just Jeans	Cotton on	Country Road	Supre
Bust	95	95	92	96	94.5	95	94	94
Waist	75	75	73	77	75	75	74	74
Hips	100	100	98	103	102	100	101	104

SIZE FOURTEEN	Big W	Kmart	Target	Portman’s	Just Jeans	Cotton on	Country Road	Supre
Bust	100	100	97	101	99.5	100	99	99
Waist	80	80	78	82	80	80	79	76
Hips	105	105	103	108	107	105	106	109

Oh, and for a laugh, can you make sense of this sizing guide? Because I sure as hell couldn't figure it out! Why is the size fourteen smaller than the size eight? Why is the extra extra extra small 84cm or 84" on the hips?  I don't think most girls in an XXL would have a hip measurement exceeding 220cm...

I think I might just aim for clothes that fit well.... what a ridiculous country we live in!

S.

Walk the walk...talk the talk...

So I finally did the last item of the fitness test, the one kilometer run/walk/crawl.

Holy moly was it bad. I decided that I needed to stop making excuses and find a way to do it. I am sick, really not well at all, but I thought one km isn't that far, right? Someone tell that to my lungs! I have a blocked nose and breathing is difficult. But I was driving out to visit my partner's grave today so I figured I had some time to myself without kids, without family, without interruptions. So I had better seize the opportunity!

Yes, that's right. I did my 1km in a cemetery. How's that for not allowing excuses to get in the way?

So before I drove out I pulled up google earth and measured a track that would be as close to 1000m as possible. I think it was actually 1040m but it was as close as I could do it while using markers in the grounds and not guessing. It was also up hill and down hill so I feel the two cancel each other out. I walked the entire way. I was ready to collapse after the first 250m. Great, I thought, I'm going to collapse in the cemetery no one visits!! Clearly I was being somewhat extreme and the reality of exercise was just too much for me haha!

So I did the circuit and fell into my car with my heart ready to burst out my mouth. I didn't bring enough tissues (running nose) and I didn't bring water. How naive can I be?

I completed the walk in nine minutes and four seconds. I'm happy with that considering I'm unfit anyway, I'm battling a virus and it's not the most relaxing place to exercise. Thankfully no one else was there and no one arrived until the very last minute when I probably just looked upset rather than exhausted.

I'll be doing the next circuits there too I think, have to keep it consistent.

So, all the fitness test tasks are ticked off, way to go me!

Now if I could just get my appetite back again so I can keep this body going.

S.

Sick. Sad. This situation sucks.

So, I'm sick. flu, vomitting, temperature, cough, all that awesome stuff.

Yesterday was a month since my partner died. Hard day.

Today my Grandad passed away. Harder day.

I'd really like to catch a break. And lose some weight through hard work, not grief.

Sorry, short post...just wanted to check in.

S.

Hello scales, It's me again

Weigh in this morning....ooh that moment of truth!

Drum roll please....................................................................................


down by one whole kilo! woot! I had to get off the scales and try it again a few times! I think this detox phase is helping, lots of water and no soft drink, lots of fresh fruit and vegies and nothing deep fried. Happy Days! I feel energised. Well, to a certain extent. My son and nephew have been up all night. I feel like I've not slept at all. I know I crashed for two hours at about 5:30 and was up at 7:30...so on my two hours sleep I am feeling super energised!

So for breakfast today I had the breakfast from yesterday's menu plan, the boiled egg and avacado toast. Yum! It feels substantial as well, perhaps it's the egg? I haven't had a boiled egg in years!! Looking forward to tackling the lasagne recipe for dinner tonight and making enough to freeze.

Do you see that BMI up there dropped down to 26.99? Awesome!! I can not wait to see it under 25!

I hope you all had a happy weigh in, but don't forget that this is only day three, huge results are not expected so early!

S.

I've made my mind up

So sore. All my muscles are screaming at me for daring to make them work. ouch!! I was up all night with my son...My son, nephew and sister are all sick. We all live together so I'm the only one who has managed to avoid this virus. Whining children, sister with no voice, panadol and used tissues all 'round. It's going to be an interesting day!

So while I was laying in bed last night, wide awake, listening to my son coughing, I had an idea. I'm not going to just do a twelve week exercise regime. Forget it. I'm going to do a body make over. I'm going to use this time to pay real attention to myself. All of me. Head to toe.

I can faintly hear my bank account shrieking...odd.

I was thinking about it last night. My hair needs a cut and colour. My eyebrows need waxing. I need to go to a dentist. My nails haven't been manicured in....forever. Years. My sisters wedding?? Oh gosh, forever. I've never had a leg wax or bikini wax..ouch. My feet have never been attended to. Ew. My skin is dry and needs some heavy duty exfoliating on both my arms and legs. I have a huge scar on my stomach and of course the stretch marks that most of us are sporting. There is a lot that I'd like to do. So why the heck not?

The small things, like dry skin and exfoliation I can start with straight away. I can get into a routine with that. Bigger things, like hair and waxing...that I think can wait for the end of the twelve weeks. I should be using them like rewards I think.  Yes! Rewards! I love rewards! And they're not made from chocolate or cheese. perfect!

I will think on it and get back to you....it's like my own version of the weekly surprise, but nicer and doesn't leave you in agony the next day!

S.

oh holy wall sit

Can we please let out a collective groan? This fitness test business is an eye opener!

I am yet to do the run, we woke up to rain today and it's still there. I'm hoping that either it will fine up this evening or I can get it done tomorrow. But given the rest of my results I'm fairly comfortable in putting myself in the beginners category.

Push ups? I actually surprised myself here. I managed twenty two! But I'm not counting the last because I think it was pretty poor form, so I've put myself down as twenty one. The problem I have though is no one was watching me to see if they were being executed properly? I think for the next fitness test I will video record it and see if I'm doing them to standard or just doing half the push up. All I know is my arms were burning by the end of it and I was laying on the mat wondering why the hell I signed up for this.

Ok, next. The wall sit. I was using my phone to time myself (It has a stopwatch and a countdown timer) so I put myself against the wall and lowered myself into position to see if I was reading the picture right. Ha. My legs shook almost straight away. Yes, definitely the right position! So I hit start on my phone and dropped it, pushed back against the wall and stared straight ahead. I'm sure I had been there at least an hour when my legs turned completely jellyfied and I hit stop.

Thirty seven seconds. Oh dear.

Ab stages. I managed one. Just one. And to be honest, again, I feel like my technique probably isn't correct. I think my back is doing the work, not my abs. Evident by the fact that without my arms for momentum I can't get anywhere.

The sit and reach is probably the most embarrassing stat out of the lot. I couldn't get anywhere near my feet. Mich says to give yourself three attempts and to take the best...I could have given it thirty, I wasn't getting anywhere. I've put myself down at -20cm because I think that's close to where I was. Definitely not even close to intermediate. I've decided I'm getting back into pilates, I can't believe how much flexibility I am lacking!

After laughing for a good few minutes in an attempt not to cry at the failure to wow myself I put on an exercise DVD. I guess biggest loser trainers are my thing at the moment, I had Jillian Michaels yelling at me to keep going with her 30 day shred video. I was barely coping, puffing, panting, sweating. It seriously kicks your butt.  But after finishing it I feel pretty good for making an effort. I wish I could afford a heart rate monitor so I could see just how much it's working my body! Off to stalk ebay and gumtree...

Today is food shopping day in our house. Unfortunately due to budget restrictions I couldn't change it to earlier so today I am not following the meal plan. For breakfast I had one piece of toast and I've had a piece of cheese and some crackers for a snack with my son (who also had sultanas and dried apricots). I've had two glasses of water. I'm feeling good for 11:48am on the first day!

I have grief counselling this afternoon...so after the physical work out I'm headed to the emotional one. I didn't go last week and I'm scared to go back again now.  He's been gone for four weeks. I'm feeling ok. Lonely and wishing I could hear his voice telling me he was proud of me. He was always the first to support me when I tried to be healthier. He would be doing this with me.

S.

Reality Check.......check.

So, I've done my preseason tasks.

I've thrown out the bad food.
I've bought shoes to go walking in.
I've stood in front of the camera. My camera is even still working.

I've weighed in. I've measured. I've checked that my measuring tape is actually accurate. It is. Bugger.

So the truth.

I weigh seventy nine kilos. It seems worse when you write it down with letters! The last time I weighed myself I was closer to 85 so 79 is actually pretty pleasing for me! The last time I weighed seventy anything was 2004-2005 when I was at Uni and went through a health and fitness phase. Clearly it didn't last.

My measurements. I hate measurements.
I immediately compare them to "standard sizing" at Target which is probably silly but it's where I buy the majority of my clothes and I want to be able to fit into them properly. If you want to check theirs you can look here.

So. The numbers.
Bust - 96cm
Waist (at belly button as requested by the 12wbt) - 89cm
Waist (narrowest part but not in line with my belly button) 79cm
Hips - 106cm....I feel like such a pear. I hold most of my weight in my hips and thighs. I hate it.
Thighs - 64/64. ugh.

BMI - 27.34 (I want this below 25 by the end of the 12wbt!!)

Now, I don't like the 12wbt measurement for waist because it isn't what everyone else calls the waist. But I understand our belly buttons aren't moving over the next twelve weeks and that's why we're using it as an anatomical marker. Shows how much of a belly I have going on though!

I am itching to get this started now. I can't wait to see the numbers fall!

Have you had a look at your 'my stats' page on the 12wbt? Very cool. I can't wait to see that BMI fall!

I have commited to eleven kilos to lose. I don't know if I will be able to get them all off during this first twelve weeks but the commitment is bigger than that. I want the healthy weight. I want the healthy lifestyle.

I think this has been the most sobering of the preseason tasks. It's so hard to be in denial when you can see the number on the scale and it doesn't matter how you shift your body it just won't go DOWN.  It would have been nice to hop on and hear the scales say 'I'm sorry, you don't need to weigh yourself, go and have some chocolate'....instead they let out a bit of a groan...like all that chocolate was putting a strain on the poor things. Who would have thought?

Fun starts tomorrow! Fitness test day!

The hardest task of pre-season

I'm sure you know which one...

Weigh. Measure. Photograph. The most confronting part but hopefully the most motivating as well. It will be great to look at the photographs in twelve weeks knowing it isn't the reality for me any longer! But gosh I'm procrastinating. I don't want to take the photos. I don't want to take the measurements. The weight I'm better with. It is just a number to me, I can be in denial about it. Tell myself I'm tall and carry it well....

Photos don't lie.

Eek.

In the morning. It's time to face the...well, camera.

The fun starts on Monday!

I enrolled in the 12WBT yesterday. I didn't have a clue that it even existed! A good friend of mine mentioned she was considering joining so I jumped at the chance to be on the band wagon...or...chase the band wagon while Michelle Bridges yells at me to keep up the pace!

I'm excited and I'm nervous. My world is quite literally upside down at the moment. I lost my partner and father of my beautiful boy twenty six days ago. I'm grieving. I cry every day and I am desperate for something positive and healthy to focus my energy on. I need a way to spend my evenings and I need something to get up for. I know, I have my son, but I need more than that. Life seems so empty now.

I am worried that I will get to week four and fizzle out. I have done that so so many times in the past. I get a few kilos off my hips and then give myself 'just one treat'...and that turns into a week of binge eating and the kilos are back as if they'd never left. It's depressing being a yo-yo. I don't want to be a yo-yo!!

So. Here is my commitment. I, me, the overweight brunette behind the screen wearing size fourteen jeans will stick to the twelve week body transformation. I will FINISH. I will lose weight. I will reach a healthy BMI.

Please, keep me honest.

S.