Shop windows

I think I'm becoming vain. I keep assessing my silhouette when I'm out in public. Glancing sideways at my reflection as I walk through the shopping centre. I can see a difference! I found myself today, waiting at the doors to allow customers out of our store, staring at myself on the security monitor. Is that really me? I kept turning slightly to the side to see how I looked! Vainity!!

My trousers are falling off me. They are size 16 I think, and I would think I'm now a 12. But they were sliding down all day long and I was loving it. Even if it did make me look terribly unprofessional, having to get up and hike up my clothes haha.

My clothing isn't fitting right. My jeans need a belt. My trousers don't come close to staying up. My tight fitted shirts are baggy, especially around my bust. Why is it you lose weight off your bust but not your thighs? rude. I have people tell me on a daily  basis that they can see I'm losing weight. I am really appreciating hearing it. It makes it feel worthwhile. Like the effort is paying off. Though most people ask if it's because I can't eat due to the grief. No, thank you, this is effort right here. I'm working for this now. The crying off kilos has ended.

I'm down 11 kilos, four since the beginning of the 12wbt. I am earning a new wardrobe.....ooh. I so want to go shopping! I can't afford to. I have to remind myself that I'm a single parent and on a single income and I need to get ahead financially, not be buying pretty dresses....

But surely I need clothes that fit, right?  I remembered today that I get a bonus around Christmas time...which would be right around the end of the 12wbt. I've already done the majority of my Christmas shopping...this would be bonus money. Like a grand of bonus money. I've picked up extra hours since returning to work so financially I am better off on a fortnightly basis anyway. I don't need to put this money aside for anything. I've just paid my car registration for 12 months. I've paid off the Christmas laybys, only a few dollars left on them to collect. All the bills so far are up to date.....I really want to get a new wardrobe...shirts, skirts, underwear...outfits that FIT me.

A thousand dollars would go a LONG way to fitting me out right? Keeping in mind I need a lot of things...I've not bought myself new clothes for a long time. I think the last thing I bought was a pretty emerald green top that is now just huge on me. It was like $10 and that was a splurge.... A grand?? really? But then I think how much underwear costs. And bras? Ugh! Why does being a woman mean spending so much money! And I'd like some dresses to wear over summer and nothing I have now will fit properly.... Singlets, since I wear them all year round...jeans, jeans are expensive...I'd love some accessories...

I want to reinvent myself. And gosh darn it I acheived 180% of my target at work so I've earnt this bonus! 

I might have to stop looking at my reflection and a bit more at the clothing instead....

ooh...retail therapy I love you!

S. xo

Rewards...and another weigh in!

So I've been talking about the fact I want to get some rewards going for myself. I lose interest in things so easily, I want to make sure I'm keeping myself committed to the process for as long as I can. I can't help but WANT a reward if I know it's there for the taking so hopefully this will keep me focussed and on track to a healthy weight!

So...these are the things I'd really like to get sorted out

HAIR - trim, get rid of split ends. Colour and have a treatment put through. Get good shampoo and conditioner.
FACE - Eyebrow and eyelash tint,Eyebrow wax, facial? I've never had a facial. Lip Balm. Denist!
Teeth whitening? too extreme? I don't want to glow in the dark...
BODY -  Exfoliating body wash, Moisturising Cream for Arms, legs, everywhere
Bio oil for stretch marks and scar? Skin tag removal. UGH skin tags. Scary. Necessary. So, doctors appointment? I don't even know how to remove them. A tan? is that even safe? Leg wax. Bikini wax? Is that a reward or a punishment?  A MASSAGE...oh my goodness YES.
HANDS & FEET - Manicure, Pedicure, ongoing maintenance...lotions and potions and whatever else is needed.

I'm went and spoke to a beautician that I've used before and asked about the whole eyebrow wax and tint and they've said generally it will need to be redone every 4-6 weeks.... Well 4 weeks is a pretty good time frame really.  It just so happens to be when we'll be doing a fitness test (week 4, 8, 12)...So I was thinking that if I improve on something then I reward myself with an eyebrow wax. If I improve on two things, I get an eyebrow tint, if I improve on three things then I get an eyelash tint and so on. I need to price it up and see if I can afford to do it every month or not. 

Now for the weigh in.......

Down two more kilos!! Lucky me! 76! I don't know when I've ever been 76! SO awesome!  I can't believe how close I am to being the proud owner of a healthy BMI! yay!! Now I just need to keep my self pushing on and on and on. I always do well for a few weeks and then fall in a hole. I can't do that this time, I have to keep going! Have to!!

Hope weigh in day was pleasing for you as well. I'm a little worried about next week to be honest. I'm thinking I've exhausted all the 'luck' weight and now I actually have to work for it. It's that bit of doubt creeping in...... some one kick me

S.

Goodbye Week One, Hello Week Two!

So, we've done a week.  I'm definitely feeling different already! But so much has happened this week who knows if it's been the 12wbt or one of the other random issues in my life.

Let's start with the physical changes.

Well, most happy to say that when I weighed in on Wednesday the scales were kind and I was a whole kilo lighter. Given that the challenge only started on Monday and my start weight was recorded on the weekend, that was very exciting to see! However....this has been the week of illness in my household. My sister, nephew, son and myself are all ill. Running noses, coughing, temperatures, dizziness. It hasn't been very pretty. Both my sister and I have lost our voices. It's very hard to control a two year old (nephew) with no voice! I went through a few days earlier in the week  with muscle pain from changing my exercise routine and then into utter lethargy...couldn't breathe, couldn't sleep. Ugh. Horrible! I'm still sick now. I've still got no voice. Everyone else is getting better thank goodness, but I took a little bit longer to fall, so I'm clearly taking my time to get back up!

The emotional side of things this week.... Well to be perfectly honest it's been shit. My Grandfather died on Thursday. It was the month anniversary of my partner dying on Wednesday. I spent Friday afternoon at the cemetery. It's been an emotionally draining week, like most have been for the last... I don't know, eternity? I can't remember times where I've not been crying or sulking and I just feel exhausted by it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't sit at home all day surrounded in tissues (well, except this week but it was my noses fault!)  but it was hard. Last Sunday we had the first family get together since my partner passed...I found myself crying in the lounge room alone because there wasn't anyone there to exchange looks with. It was hard to drive there and it was hard to be there, waiting for someone to say something, ask something, offer something. But it didn't happen. Maybe the silence around it made it worse. It made me wonder if everybody there knew.

Thursday evening just knocked the wind out of me. Hearing the words 'your grandfather died'... I just walked away from the phone. My sister continued the call with our mum and I was just sobbing. I ended up in the bathroom being sick because I couldn't get any air due to all this bloody congestion. The numbness soon set in. Goodbye appetite that I worked SO hard to get back (I went easily a week or two after S died without eating properly). It still doesn't feel like I've understood it. I loved my Grandfather, he was such a special part of my life. There is an emptiness. Different to losing S. Losing S can't be compared to anything. But this death I've been expecting, anticipating. There is a sadness but also a relief, knowing he is at peace. It's come so much quicker. The funeral isn't going to be for two weeks. So in the mean time I need to focus on gaining clarity all over again. 2011 has been an interesting year, that's for sure!

What else about this week...
OH. Rewards. I think it's so important to get some kind of reward as I go along. I like rewards......especially those in the form of chocolate! But that's not an option.

So, I've started making a list, head to toe of the things I want 'fixed'. All of it, nit picking all the way. This is a time in my life I can take absolutely control so why the heck not! I'll post it seperately, but the list is pretty enormous!

Hope week two is great for all of you!

S.