Goodbye Week One, Hello Week Two!

So, we've done a week.  I'm definitely feeling different already! But so much has happened this week who knows if it's been the 12wbt or one of the other random issues in my life.

Let's start with the physical changes.

Well, most happy to say that when I weighed in on Wednesday the scales were kind and I was a whole kilo lighter. Given that the challenge only started on Monday and my start weight was recorded on the weekend, that was very exciting to see! However....this has been the week of illness in my household. My sister, nephew, son and myself are all ill. Running noses, coughing, temperatures, dizziness. It hasn't been very pretty. Both my sister and I have lost our voices. It's very hard to control a two year old (nephew) with no voice! I went through a few days earlier in the week  with muscle pain from changing my exercise routine and then into utter lethargy...couldn't breathe, couldn't sleep. Ugh. Horrible! I'm still sick now. I've still got no voice. Everyone else is getting better thank goodness, but I took a little bit longer to fall, so I'm clearly taking my time to get back up!

The emotional side of things this week.... Well to be perfectly honest it's been shit. My Grandfather died on Thursday. It was the month anniversary of my partner dying on Wednesday. I spent Friday afternoon at the cemetery. It's been an emotionally draining week, like most have been for the last... I don't know, eternity? I can't remember times where I've not been crying or sulking and I just feel exhausted by it.  Don't get me wrong, I don't sit at home all day surrounded in tissues (well, except this week but it was my noses fault!)  but it was hard. Last Sunday we had the first family get together since my partner passed...I found myself crying in the lounge room alone because there wasn't anyone there to exchange looks with. It was hard to drive there and it was hard to be there, waiting for someone to say something, ask something, offer something. But it didn't happen. Maybe the silence around it made it worse. It made me wonder if everybody there knew.

Thursday evening just knocked the wind out of me. Hearing the words 'your grandfather died'... I just walked away from the phone. My sister continued the call with our mum and I was just sobbing. I ended up in the bathroom being sick because I couldn't get any air due to all this bloody congestion. The numbness soon set in. Goodbye appetite that I worked SO hard to get back (I went easily a week or two after S died without eating properly). It still doesn't feel like I've understood it. I loved my Grandfather, he was such a special part of my life. There is an emptiness. Different to losing S. Losing S can't be compared to anything. But this death I've been expecting, anticipating. There is a sadness but also a relief, knowing he is at peace. It's come so much quicker. The funeral isn't going to be for two weeks. So in the mean time I need to focus on gaining clarity all over again. 2011 has been an interesting year, that's for sure!

What else about this week...
OH. Rewards. I think it's so important to get some kind of reward as I go along. I like rewards......especially those in the form of chocolate! But that's not an option.

So, I've started making a list, head to toe of the things I want 'fixed'. All of it, nit picking all the way. This is a time in my life I can take absolutely control so why the heck not! I'll post it seperately, but the list is pretty enormous!

Hope week two is great for all of you!

S.