You're fading away...

It was only a matter of time until I heard this. You're either too fat or you're too skinny? But I'm not even a healthy weight yet? Are people that uncomfortable with the fact I'm taking control of my body?
Bah. it bugs me. Can't there be a positive response? You look great! You look GREAT! Isn't looking great better than fading away to a shadow?

Sigh. I exercised the other night. I did a zumba video for about an hour. I made the mistake of exercising with a mirror behind me. For those of you familiar with zumba you'll know there are all sorts of turns and jumps and fancy things like that. I shudder thinking about how I look exercising. I wasn't naked, haha. No, I was wearing a sports bra and shorts. But I could see my belly in all it's jiggly glory as I turned in a circle. Not pretty.  It does make me more motivated to get rid of it, but knowing I've already lost so much weight...it makes me feel really ashamed about just how much more weight I was carrying.

I can remember last year, staying in this fancy Malaysian Hotel and catching a glimpse of myself naked in the mirror. I was horrified. You've just had a baby. You've just had a baby. You've just had a baby. They were the only words that made it ok. But to be honest, I can't blame pregnancy on the weight. I didn't gain that much during pregnancy. I was over weight to begin with. It's just a convenient excuse to say it was pregnancy. It was too much KFC, timtams and soft cheese.

So when I was told I was fading away to a shadow I said proudly that yes, I had lost weight, and I had another 10 kg to go. Shock! Horror! It was intentional! And another TEN kilos!? NO! You don't need to lose any more weight! yes....yes, I do....I saw the jiggly belly in the mirror. Just because you didn't see it jiggle doesn't mean it doesn't exist boss lady!

Off to zumba again...with a shirt on.

S.

When you were fat....

I'm sorry, what?

"I only remember you fat"....can you hear that?  Gosh it stings! A staff member I used to work with has transferred to my office and she said to me today she has to keep doing a double take because she only remembers the 'fat' me...

Hang on! She only remembers the PREGNANT me!! Did I really just look fat!?

It is like a slap across my face. I think the shock of the comment made my jaw drop a little.

I have lost ten kilos. Three on the 12wbt, seven prior to it's commencement. So I have lost weight...but goodness. I just didn't consider myself fat.

That word is so sharp. FAT.

Maybe I needed to hear it? It wasn't said with any malice.
 It was said in a sincere matter of factness that makes it worse.

But maybe I did need to hear it.

Because what is most important about it? It was said in a past tense. I can only remember you being fat....you're not fat NOW. You've made changes. They're noticeable. The effort is paying off. But you were fat.


 Are you going to be fat again?

S.