OK, lets start over. You might remember me? I started a twelve week body transformation and then piked after six weeks? yeaaaaah.....sorry. Life got in the way. An excuse? maybe. But let's face it last year was crappy. Fiancé died. Grandfather died. Court dramas with ex husband. Sister's marriage breaking up. Moving house. Breast Cancer freak out. It was a long crappy year.
2012 is going to be better.
Why?
Because I don't think it's possible to top the crapiness that was 2011. Knock on wood. Lots. But I really do not think it could possibly be worse.
Where am I now? It's been four months since S died. They have been long, crappy, tiring months. But I feel pretty good and optimistic in general. For those of you that have no clue what I'm on about, S was my fiancé and the father of my beautiful boy. He committed suicide in August 2011 and I found his body. Then a month and one day later my Grandfather died. Then the next month I found lumps in my breasts and had to do a stack of tests... I am quite happy to leave all the drama of 2011 in the past for sure.
I am slowly but surely starting to rebuild. I've even been on a few dates. GASP. SHOCK. HORROR. Yeah, I know, I am actually actively trying to find happiness. Don't worry, I'm not jumping in the deep end...we're just talking male company for a dinner or a movie. How can I even think of moving on? Simple reason. Because I can't possibly NOT move on. I refuse to sit in a miserable mess of tissues and snot and just sob the rest of my life away. S is gone. He isn't coming back. I know this because I looked at the front door about a hundred thousand times wishing like hell I'd see his boots resting on the door mat. But he's not coming back. And my life is still going on and I'm lonely as hell. I want some adult company, where conversations aren't about not throwing food on the floor, playing nicely and needing nappy changes. I need some sanity! There is zero desire for a serious all in relationship and any prospects get the full details of where I've been and were I am headed and they decide if they're up for the ride.
I believe my weight has been maintained since I stopped the last 12wbt. Still at 75, Still really need to lose another 10kg. 7 I'd be stoked with to be quite honest. 3kg and I'm a healthy weight. WOOOT! My iron levels are non-existent. I just had my levels done and my ferritin is wiped out completely. My thyroid, kidneys and liver are pretty plucky though. I went to the dentist today and had them scrape and chisel and turn my mouth back into what 'healthy' looks like it needs to stay this way!! My legs need exfoliating and my skin is drrrrryyyyyy. My face is unhappy, needs moisturising like I used to do. My hair is ready for a new colour and trim. I've not been awesome at looking after myself over the last few months but this is all about to change!
We're back in the game. FULL body transformation, not just the number on the scales. This is going into include the emotional stuff too. Why? Because If I don't deal with it I will be binging on tim tams sooner or later....so sorry, you get to listen to me whine about all of that stuff too.
Hold on, this could be a bumpy ride!
S x
Welcome back - I wondered how you were going! Great to hear you sounding more positive about 2012. I hope the full body transformation happens for you this year. Have you come across this blog? http://www.rrsahm.com/ Lori had a similar experience to you last year with her husband. It may or may not be helpful for you to read. Take care and hope to see some more posts soon x
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your next round. I hope you find someone easy to spend some time with. :)
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